April Halliday, Nederland. The Mountain-Ear has signed a long-term contract with Mark Cohen, who writes the popular Diversions column.
The contract states Cohen can write, “whatever the heck he wants” for the Mountain-Ear, so long as he “doesn’t get the paper sued.” Cohen must defend and indemnify the paper for any legal claims arising from his writings.

Although the Mountain-Ear will not pay Cohen, it will provide him with a monthly “inspirational substance allowance” to help ensure quality journalism, as well as a monthly “hate mail stipend” to offset the time involved in responding to unsolicited comments from readers.

Over the years, Cohen has used his column to educate area residents on diverse issues. He explained how John Denver invented rap music, gave practical advice on how to fight a bear, and even spearheaded the movement to plant a giant Sego palm tree in the traffic circle.

The contract allows Cohen to retain his position as Consul General for the Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea, a title he earned after he got drunk in 2009 and invited Kim Jong-Il to go camping with him.

(Originally published in the March 28, 2019, print edition of The Mountain-Ear.)