NEDERLAND - On a crisp November evening, parents from the community gathered at Nederland Elementary School to enjoy a home-cooked meal and take part in the Mountain Strong Families parenting series, sponsored by TEENS, Inc.

Sessions take place monthly during the school year and offer parents tools to nurture their children and themselves in a supportive and understanding environment.

During this month's session, parents and caregivers tackled a universal question: “Why do children behave the way they do?” This deep dive into developmental brain science and child behavior not only offered a transformative understanding but also empowered parents with new insights, giving them hope for a more harmonious parenting journey. 

For parents in our remote mountain community -- and caregivers worldwide -- grasping the intricacies of child development is crucial. Without it, we risk setting unrealistic behavioral expectations that can turn the parenting journey into an exhausting battle.

This session illuminated how children’s challenging behaviors often stem from their developing brains and not from defiance or ill intent. Parents explored the interplay of biology, neuroscience, and emotional growth to uncover why their children act as they do. 

Only 25% of a child’s brain is functional at birth, meaning they rely heavily on caregivers to guide their development. As children grow, their ability to manage emotions and think critically evolves, but even older children (and adults!) can struggle to access these skills when overwhelmed, hungry, or tired.

Parents learned that human reactions to stress or conflict are often impulsive because the brain processes emotions up to 500 times faster than rational thoughts. It was emphasized that while emotional responses are natural, true harmony arises when a child’s lower and upper brain work together, allowing emotions to be expressed with reason and empathy. 

This harmony doesn’t develop independently—it’s cultivated by caregivers who help children slow down, name their emotions, and regulate their responses. Participants gained insights into the brain’s survival mechanisms: fight, flight, and freeze, recognizing that these primal instincts guide much of a child’s behavior. More importantly, how a caregiver responds during dysregulation significantly impacts the child’s brain development and social-emotional skills. 

Parents are left with a clear, practical strategy to address challenging moments: 1) Connect with the brain stem by using a calm tone, gentle touch, and lowering to your child’s level to convey safety. 2) Address the limbic system by emphasizing and validating your child’s emotions. And 3) Engage the prefrontal cortex only after the child is calm and ready to discuss solutions or learning moments. 

The evening underscored the importance of connection before correction, a principle that reassures parents that they are on the right track. It reminds parents that children thrive when their emotions are acknowledged and met with empathy.

Attendees left inspired to embrace their children’s emotional worlds with patience and understanding, feeling reassured that their efforts to connect with their children are indeed valuable and effective. 

The Mountain Strong Families series continues on Tuesday, December 3, at 5:15 p.m. with the session “Developing your Child’s Problem-Solving Skills.” Dinner, childcare, and the class are offered free of charge. Register on TEENS,Inc.org or by contacting Betsy Epp, betsy@teensinc.org.