New mountain babies Jake and Trinity’s growing family returned for another round of support from the Mountain Strong Families parenting Series, hosted by TEENS, Inc. PHOTO COURTESY OF ANN SHERMAN[/caption]

The vibe at the first Raising Whole Human Beings parenting class on September 13 was so positive that one reluctant father admitted he would come back for more next month. Parents laughed and chatted together. Families shared a meal of soup, salad, and apple crisp. Children played together while the adults discussed how to raise children with strong people skills. “I love this!” said one parent who quickly signed up for more ideas on the Mountain Strong Families Facebook page.

“We’re basically all here for the same reason”, said Betsy Epp, the presenter from TEENS, Inc. “We all want our kids to be respectful, confident, compassionate, and resilient. And we’re looking for a group of people who will help us on that journey.”

One parent quickly admitted, “After tonight, I don’t feel so alone.”

Mountain Strong parenting classes offer proven strategies that develop a child’s social emotional competencies. Dr. Dan Siegel, author of The Power of Showing Up and No Drama Discipline, outlined four non-negotiable experiences that every child needs to thrive in this ever-changing world. Children who develop into healthy adults experience being seen, soothed, feeling safe and secure. Specific parenting practices are with creating each of these experiences in children.

If the end goal is to raise children with self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness, strong relationship skills, and ethical decision-making tools, our parenting style needs to support that development. Attendees were introduced to the nurturing parenting philosophy. This approach is rooted in a deep understanding of how a child’s brain and skills develop.

It is tethered to an understanding of the child’s inner world of emotions and needs. It recognizes that a parent’s own self-awareness, their ability to manage their emotions, and the daily care that they provide to themselves, is what allows them to bring their best self into a nurturing relationship with their child. FInally, this approach teaches specific ways to coach undeveloped skills rather than turning to punitive reactions when children demonstrate challenging behaviors. Dr. Siegel firmly argues that focusing on external behavior instead of addressing a child’s emotions and underlying needs fails to develop social emotional skills in children.

A child will often act poorly when they feel disconnected from others. This disconnection naturally happens throughout each day when parents and children have been separated by work or school, when parents become irritated with the child’s external behavior, or adults are busily rushing through the tasks of the day. One of the main responsibilities of parents is to notice when these disconnections are occurring and actively take steps to reconnect with the child.

It is not uncommon for children to say that their parents don’t talk about feelings with them, or that their parents get too busy and don’t really know what they are up to. These statements reflect a longing for meaningful connection with their caregiver. In order for children to feel securely attached to us, deep connections need to occur each and every day. This doesn’t mean parents need to give constant attention. It means pausing to provide quality interactions where the adult really “sees” their child’s inner world -- a world of imagination, emotions, memories, and perspectives.

Parents were encouraged to purposely designate “special one-on-one time” each day where they enter their child’s world. Families affectionately call those 10 minutes of focused interaction “mama time” or “papa time” or “Aiden time.” This might mean commenting on what your child is drawing or building, or playing a favorite video game together. This might mean dressing up with your 5-year-old or laying on your back staring at the stars with your 7-year-old. It might mean playfully wrestling or snuggling each evening. Or, expressing amazement as your 10-year-old practices their instrument or soccer techniques.

While “functional parenting” implies you make sure your child gets enough sleep and food to survive, “nurturing parenting” means you provide a quality of presence to help your child feel seen and understood. A strong foundation of connection between parent and child allows for the child’s brain to develop focused attention, insight, empathy and compassion. Without this secure connection, children can remain demanding, whiny, or full of social drama.

Parents who ensure there are five times as many warm, positive interactions with their child as there are corrections and critiques of the child’s behavior, are more likely to find their child as more cooperative and open to learning.

What would your child say if asked, “Do you feel seen and understood by your parents?” Adults “see” children when we play in their world; when we follow their lead for a bit. We also “see” children when we empathize with their feelings of disconnection and intentionally reconnect.

“To me, the main takeaway from this research and parenting approach, is to ensure we are being fully present with our children,” said one dad.

“In a world full of work demands, household chores, and nonstop devices that distract us, we must purposely set an intention to connect daily with our children,” facilitator Betsy Epp summarized.

“We’re coming back to the Mountain Strong Families Series for the third year in a row,” admitted Jake Wells, who is now a proud father of four.

“I really believe we need to hear these ideas at least seven times before we’re able to fully live them out,” added his partner Trinity.

Each session builds on the previous one and dives deeper into how a child’s brain develops the social emotional skills that we all want to see in our grown children.

The next session is on October 11 at Nederland Elementary School. Attendees will explore why children act the way they do. Come learn how to draw from the best that your parents taught you and blend it with the latest neuroscience about how healthy, whole humans are formed. For info, contact ann@teensinc.org