Sara Sandstrom-Kobi, Peak to Peak. The first week of official home learning has been challenging. Well, allow me to be honest, it has been really hard. The learning curve has been steep for students, parents and teachers. It has been a marathon, of sorts. Feeling good and then you hit a wall. When I ran marathons, I would feel amazing and knew all my training was paying off, then in what seemed like a minute I would hit that wall somewhere in the eighteenth mile. It forced me to slow down. It forced me to listen to my body. It forced me to walk and focus on each step. My body and brain had to take a rest. About a mile later I felt good again and finished strong, or at least finished. Maybe this should be my example and inspiration for getting through this time.

The challenges of these days include, but are not limited to, accessing the technology and figuring out a schedule between my work and meetings and the kids’ work and meetings. My oldest can manage most of the technology, but he has questions. My youngest needs help at every step. She is only five. When they are on the computer with their own class, I feel I need to be in listening range. They need help with the technology at times and if I am going to guide homework instruction, I need to be aware of what was said and the expectations. 

After the fourth day of this bumpy new schedule, I was short tempered and needing to cry. I try to keep my writing more on the fun and light side, but this week was not fun. It was really, really hard. Having kids home all day, trying to get them to do schoolwork and make sure my work wasn’t suffering is just too much for anyone. The kids and I do not have our normal social outlets to relieve daily stress which meant the stress was building up between each other.

When I came to the point of feeling like a complete failure, I opened an email from a friend. Her timing was impeccable or perhaps divine. She was sending me a free link for an online meditation with Pema Chodron. Ani Pema has been a guide in my life through her writings and life’s work. Just knowing a friend was thinking of me and sending me something that I desperately needed was incredible and I felt loved. I was so wrapped up in the struggle that I was not able to see the help I needed. In that moment I realized I was attempting the impossible. 

Pema Chodron says, “Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event control your emotions.” I was letting the current situation control my emotions. 

I told myself that we are not going to get to everything and that is okay. I am going to slow down and remind myself what I love about my kids. From their cute freckles, to their squeeze as hard as you can hugs, to saying goodnight in different languages. They are my children and I love them. 

I also had to get them outside. Thankfully the game of choice was not tag. That game completely wears me out. On this day it was a snowball fight. A sled and the top of the laundry basket became shields. A Chuckit! dog ball launcher became a snowball launcher. Neighbors walking by participated in the fun. Then, there was an attack from behind the kids. Screaming and mayhem ensued. Who was throwing the snowballs? Then, we saw him! The neighbor across the road was throwing snowballs with a Chuckit! dog ball launcher with incredible accuracy. A battle it was…social distancing style. When the game ended, we were laughing and exhausted, something we all needed. 

During the week I was holding onto myself too tightly. My fear of not getting everything done led me to being unreasonable and at times insensitive. I have to work on opening myself up to see what my kids are going through and what they need from me. Their needs are different than they were a month ago. Because children cannot always express themselves and understand why they are acting and feeling a certain way, I need to pick up on their cues of emotional stress. Then, take the time to focus on their needs. 

Here’s to a week where we will not get all the home learning finished. We will do the best we can without losing our sensibility and respect for each other. The world is on edge. Kids feel this stress as much as adults do. Fear is an extremely powerful emotion that often leads to irrational behavior. Be honest about the fears and meet your children where they are, without judgement. Most importantly, hug them and tell them that you love them.

(Originally published in the April 9, 2020, print edition of The Mountain-Ear.)