PEAK TO PEAK - In 2024, the Peak to Peak has experienced an unprecedented amount of growth. As a result, the mountain communities hired a Public Engagement manager to compile feedback, interpret it, and share unrealistic expectations to the counties involved. The study included western Boulder County, western Jefferson County, Gilpin County, and north Clear Creek County. The expectations are outlined below. 

Western Boulder County

A bike lane has been proposed and approved for Boulder Canyon. The bike lane will include suspension bridges across the creek in thirty-four locations. The rest will be completed next to the highway with concrete barriers protecting bicyclists from motor vehicles. 

The I-70 corridor has delayed the expected toll lanes and Boulder County responded by creating a new underpass from Boulder to Grand Lake. The 19-mile tunnel is planned to have a ground breaking ceremony next week and completion is scheduled for December 2025. The dynamite blasting will have precedence over local traffic and all lanes in all directions will be closed from 5 a.m. to midnight, daily. 

Ward has been identified as the fastest growing community in the region and is the latest hotspot selected for a high end spa. The spa will be managed by Starbucks and there will be free coffee for everyone after their mountain mud bath treatments are completed. 

Nederland has approved a new Red Light District in Old Town. The district will collect a daily bed tax (hourly fees apply). The District will be known as “Freddie’s,” in honor of our historical mayor Fred the Cat. 

Our investigative journalists have also dug deep to confirm Fred the Cat was actually a boy. After an in-depth interview with Fred’s ghost, there is no longer a question about the gender of the town's most lovable feline. 

We also found information leading us to believe Fred ran an underground prostitution ring that met nightly on Mitchell Avenue. 

As well, Nederland has been approved to annex all properties within a 10-mile radius of Town Hall. The annexation will include the long-awaited housing by Faye Bevins, including thirty high-rise apartments, parking for one thousand visitors, three swimming pools, a golf course, and a new bowling alley (we all know we’ve needed that for decades). 

The Nederland Police Department has also approved new Swastikars for the patrol division. The cars will hit the road April 1, 2025, and be fully manned by robots (we know nobody else will drive those things). 

And in late breaking news, the Town has hired the local “Beaver Coalition” to fix sewer line infrastructure from the inside out. The beavers, well known for their impact on water systems, will line each sewer pipe with twigs and fur. The new approach will speed up sewage to the plant and speed up the completion of the housing project for new residents. 

Jamestown has been approved for a new brothel. The old one, hidden inside the town Post Office, has seen an increase in participation and more space is needed to accommodate the hundreds of visitors asking for services each day. 

Gilpin County

Yesterday, Lauren Boebert accepted an invitation to become a member of the Black Hawk City Council. Boebert handed out buckets of popcorn to celebrate the occasion and promised to have a movie theater built as a tribute to the community. She discussed job security and offered her expertise in handling complicated situations with a personal touch.

Central City has delayed the opening of the Belvidere Theater and Event Center for another five years in its attempt to make it “absolutely perfect,” according to Mayor Skillette. The mayor also announced his intention to raze the ruins of the Hawley Building in order to make room for one more actual profit-making casino in the town.

The City of Black Hawk finished their 2024 project of tearing down every house in city limits and will now focus on building more casinos that are always half empty and restaurants that have no parking lots. When asked for a comment, Alderman No responded, “we have a lot of plans, a lot, and they’ll be big, bigly. We have ordered all the things and will be passing them out to visitors every day." 

Black Hawk alderman then offered all local journalists concrete galoshes to check out the new lake they created below the high school by accidentally hitting the sewer line during recent construction. 

In the north end of the county, Rollinsville resident Joe Daily broke ground on the new facility that will offer space to all cult members and MAGA certified voters. The new space will be available to rent for anyone who can prove their net worth to be over a billion dollars per year. 

It will be funded with taxpayer money, to make sure all billionaires have access to the exclusive club. Rollinsville has long been a destination for the uber rich.

The train stops hourly to help people get to local retreats and the new facility will be right on the pass, next to the backside of Eldora Resort, now owned by the City of Rollinsville. 

Western Jefferson County

In an unprecedented move, Golden Gate Fire Department took over all fire departments from Littleton to Coal Creek Canyon, GGFD, led by Chief Standstall, completed a competitive bid process to purchase one hundred new firetrucks and determined with that apparatus, they could successfully defend all of Jefferson County against fire moving forward.

North Clear Creek County

The Clear Creek school district met with the Gilpin school district board and decided to combine all schools to offer educational opportunities not previously provided. The district will work out bus schedules with their new flying Tesla buses, so kids can open enroll in either district and be at either school any time of the day.