“I don’t do a traditional Christmas,” said Cynthia.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Did you know December 25 is the opening day for award-winning movies, well at least it used to be, before the pandemic?”

“I had no idea,” I responded.

“I grew up in a family where Christmas Day meant lots of screaming and yelling with Mom trying to create the perfect Martha Stewart experience, and Dad drinking himself into a black hole. Then in my twenties and thirties I did my best to copy them, vacillating between creating the perfect holidays, and gathering with my “friends” at the bar. It was awful.” Cynthia looked like she was about ready to cry, as she twisted a tissue in her fingers. Then she sat up straight and looked me square in the eyes.

“About 15 years ago I got into counseling, got into recovery, and decided I needed my own positive traditions. I love movies so I started picking two of the most highly anticipated films on Christmas Day, buying a big bucket of refillable popcorn, and sitting myself down for an afternoon at the movies. Over the years friends have joined in, and now there’s a group of us that meet up. I finally feel good about myself on Christmas.”

“We celebrate Hanukkah,” Joe explained. “When the kids were little we used to do Christmas and Hanukkah, but as a family we just decided we like Hanukkah better. Eight days of family time at night with a few special presents - it works well for us.”

“Do you miss Christmas?” I wondered out loud. I knew Joe grew up with big, boisterous, food-filled extended family celebrations, full of piles of presents and Christmas traditions.

Joe paused to think about it, “I really don’t,” he finally stated. “I have wonderful childhood memories, but it’s important to me that our present-day holidays fit our family. That’s healthy for us.”

“My husband used to work Christmas every year. We’d plan on attending church, I’d make a gourmet Christmas Eve dinner, and the kids would be excitedly anticipating Santa arriving Christmas morning with gifts and treats. But Randy would always, always take the hospital shift at the last minute. He wanted his staff to have time with their families, but he never spent time with us.”

“You were angry?” I guessed.

“Angry?!? I was furious! From year to year I alternated between yelling, crying, pleading and, when the kids got old enough, they joined right in,” Sarah was on the edge of her seat, sharing her reaction.

“But wait, I thought you always went to the tropics for the holidays?” I asked, confused.

“Exactly!” Sarah said. “About five years ago I decided enough was enough, and if it was just going to be me and the kids, I wanted to be relaxing in the sun on a beach somewhere. Then, guess what? Randy finally decided to join us! Now we travel every December as a family.”

“We’re headed to the back country to camp, ski, snow shoe, ice climb, and enjoy the beautiful night sky without all of this light pollution,” shared Bart. “It’s all about the winter solstice and connecting with nature. We’ve all been working way too hard, and haven’t really paused to enjoy what’s right out our back door.”

“Who’s all going?” I asked. “Just our normal friend group. Betty and Paul are a couple now, and Josephine has her kids over the holidays. It’s about recharging for us.”

Maybe the traditional holiday rituals work well for you, or maybe you have been dreading this time of year and you’re ready for a change. I’m grateful for creative people who’ve shared with me over the years their custom-designed holiday experiences that can inspire all of us to spend this time of year celebrating in our own, special ways. So whether that means you’re prepping for the whole family to come over, or making your list of Hallmark movies to watch in your comfy pjs with your fur babies, may you find traditions that work for you.

I’d love to hear about your experiences atamy@peaktopeakcounseling.com,303-258-7454, and you can always find past articles at www.peaktopeakcounseling.com or find us at www.facebook.com/ peaktopeakcounselingservices.