“I love my adult kids, and couldn’t do my life without them,” Suzanna shared. “They drive me to my appointments, pick up all my medications, and my daughter-in-law has even learned how to make my favorite breakfast smoothie! They really are wonderful.”

“Who all do you live with?” I asked.

“Well, it’s my son, plus his wife and two kids, and their three dogs, and my other two kids and their partners will stay for a few weeks here and there, sometimes.”

“Wow!” I was surprised at the number of people in and out of the home.

“Yeah,” explained Suzanna, “my husband and I raised all the kids in our little cabin, and I just stayed there after he died. Then my son lost his job, and I didn’t want to see my grandkids homeless. Plus my other kids have challenges sometimes. We did our best to raise them, but they have problems. I try to help out.” As she was talking, Suzanna’s voice was getting softer, her shoulders began to slump, her eyes were filling with tears and her eyes drifted to looking out the sliding door at the creek.

It turned out that Suzanna’s social security check was the primary income for the household, and that her son “managed” all of her finances. She didn’t actually know her checking account balance, nor the monthly bills. A few months later Suzanna came into session distraught. Her adult children had just sat her down and told her she needed to take out a loan on her house (it had been paid for free and clear for decades) in order to cover household expenses, home and car repairs, and medical expenses. They had already drawn up paperwork, and were simply needing her signature. She couldn’t tell me the details of the loan, only that it was “the only way” she could continue to live at home and not have to go to a nursing home (despite her not needing that level of care).

Suzanna is not alone in her experiences as an elder. The National Council on Aging (ncoa.org) reports up to 5 million older Americans are abused every year and the annual loss by senior victims of financial abuse is estimated to be at least $36.5 billion (that’s per year). Approximately 1 in 10 Americans aged 60+ have experienced some form of elder abuse, but it is estimated that 1 in 24 cases are reported. In almost 60% of elder abuse and neglect incidents, the perpetrator is a family member, and 2/3 of perpetrators are adult children or spouses. Elders are more vulnerable to abuse due to social isolation and mental impairment (such as dementia or Alzheimer’s disease). There are several types of elder abuse: physical, sexual, emotional, confinement, passive neglect, willful deprivation, and financial exploitation. Elders who have been abused have a 300% higher risk of death when compared to those who have not been mistreated.

As an elder, how do you advocate for yourself? Address health care decisions now with a power of attorney or a living will. Review your will periodically. Seek independent advice from someone you trust before signing any documents. Stay active in the community and connected with friends and family. Post and open your own mail. Have your own phone. Know your rights. For example, if you engage the services of a paid or family caregiver, you have the right to voice your preferences and concerns. If you live in a nursing home, call your Long Term Care Ombudsman (every licensed long-term care facility is required to display a poster with the facility’s assigned ombudsman’s name and contact information). The ombudsman is your advocate and has the power to intervene.

If you are concerned that you are a victim of elder abuse, or that you know someone who is, there are resources. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911. In Colorado, 1-844-264-5437 is available 24/7/365 to connect you to a local human service’s staff member to offer resources, support, and help. If the elder is out of state, please contact their local county’s human services 24/7/365 number to ask for help.

Working together, Suzanna and I contacted human services, and she began working with a county social worker to address the financial and emotional abuse she was experiencing. It wasn’t easy, but Suzanna was able to improve her quality of life and enjoy her sunset years in the safety of her own home and community.

I’d love to hear from you about your own experiences at amy@peaktopeakcounseling.com, 303-258-7454, and you can always find past articles at www.peaktopeakcounseling.com or find us at www.facebook.com/peaktopeakcounselingservices.