“The business is all on my shoulders. Eventually we’ll get to the point where we can hire more help, but at the moment it’s just me."”

Nell

PEAK TO PEAK - “I am endlessly tired, Amy,” Vivian said. “I know my son needs extra attention with his recent diagnosis. I know my daughter is struggling with me not being around enough. I know my parents need extra time as they’re aging. But seriously, how much more can one person take?” 

According to the Office on Women’s Health, 36% of Americans (mostly women, working full-time) are “informal caregivers,” or people providing unpaid support for a child, spouse, parents, friend or neighbor in their community. 

Caregivers report much higher levels of stress, are less likely to go to their own doctors' appointments, can struggle to get regular sleep and physical activity. Is it surprising that 20% suffer from depression?

“My wife has survived so much trauma in her life,” Paul shared. “We’ve done it all, books, therapy, couples retreats, doctors, the works. At this point we have a good system for helping her stay healthy and regulated, but I just always have to be ‘on.’ There’s no time that I can just let go and be. It’s unbelievably exhausting.” 

Caregivers of people with mental illness (regardless of age) are 21% more prone to high emotional stress than those who care for someone with a physical condition, reports the National Counseling of Aging. 

Caregiver stress can become caregiver burnout, putting the caregiver’s health more at risk for feelings of helplessness or hopelessness, lowered self-esteem, sleep disorders, and heart disease.

“The business is all on my shoulders,” Nell explained. “Eventually we’ll get to the point where we can hire more help, but at the moment it’s just me. Even when we’re closed I’m doing paperwork, picking up supplies, and thinking about the business. There’s no reprieve, and there hasn't been any for the past year. I don’t know how much longer I can do all of this.” 

Forbes reports entrepreneurs beginning and building a business can experience anxiety, weight changes, depression, poor sleeping habits, substance abuse, and social isolation. 

Lending Tree explains that 21.5% of private sector businesses in the U.S. fail in the first year, 48.4% after 5 years, and 65.1% after 10 years.

When our life circumstances present consistent challenges with no end in sight, it can be tempting to escape into everything from screens and substances, to gardening and books—anything to avoid honestly feeling how painful present life really is. 

Vivian, Paul, and Nell have taken the first step; acknowledging the difficulties they’re facing and making time to talk about their feelings. 

Our next step is to look at their coping skills: what’s working and what isn’t? Vivian has a solid nighttime routine (i.e. good sleep!), but hasn’t seen a hiking trail all summer. Paul creates healthy meals for the family, but realizes his alcohol consumption is on the rise. Nell consistently shows up to a monthly book club and enjoys connecting with friends, but hasn’t gone to her dentist for over a year. 

Researching how to address caregiver and entrepreneur stress can result in more stress, as you read lists of bullet points of “how to feel better.” I find it less overwhelming to start with one concrete action. 

Vivian reached out to a mom friend and they both committed to a short, local hike after dropping their kids off during the first week of school. 

Paul explored his drinking habits, and realized he mostly drank after dinner and before bed while he was watching shows with his wife. He experimented with setting an end time (for both drinks and screens), and suggested they both go out on the deck to enjoy the view and a cup of tea. 

In order for Nell to schedule her dentist appointment, she needed to delegate more to the part-time employee she did have, and let go of some control. The employee responded well to the additional responsibilities, and they are in talks about her moving to more of a full-time position. 

How are you navigating taking care of yourself in the face of long-term challenges? I always appreciate hearing your perspectives at amy@peaktopeakcounseling.com, 303-258-7454, and you can find past articles at www.peaktopeakcounseling.com or find us at www.facebook.com/peaktopeakcounselingservices.