Sean and Babs, with their teens Ruth and Carter, came in for family counseling. “We’ve all gone through so much this past year,” Babs explained. “My brother, the kids’ favorite uncle, died after a long battle with cancer,” pointed out Sean.

“Plus our dog got lost on a family hike,” Ruth shared.

“And on top of that we had to move into a new house,” Carter cut in.

“This is the first time the kids have lost someone, and we want to work through our grief as a family,” said Babs quietly.

Sean jumped in, “Both Babs and I grew up in families that didn’t talk about anything, so we want to make sure our family does it differently.”

“Oh, Dad,” Ruth said, “We talk about everything!”

Mike, Betsy and Lulu, interested in family coaching, lived in three different geographies, climates, time zones and cultures. Mike was the outdoorsy, Colorado bachelor, Betsy the single Mom attending university in Australia, while Lulu and her retired husband lived out of an RV exploring the Southern United States. The three siblings recently learned of the existence of a fourth sibling that their mother gave up for adoption decades ago. As these three were the only surviving members of their family, they wanted to understand more about adoption and explore what could be some potential challenges as they integrated this new person into their family.

As Sean, Babs, Ruth, and Carter began family counseling, the four of them were able to talk through their recent experiences of loss, and connect back to grief they’d gone through in the past. It turned out Ruth’s loss of her hamster as a kiddo was very impactful, which gave Sean the opportunity to share memories of pets he and his brother had when they were young. Over time each person was able to dive into and process their own grief experiences, learn about grief in general, and practice some new family communication skills.

For their first family coaching Zoom session, Mike, Betsy, and Lulu shared their initial reaction to discovering they had another brother. I offered some typical adoption experiences of women in the 1960s. Betsy talked about a dear friend of hers who’d recently adopted a child.

The siblings discussed the current geopolitical climate and how it impacted women’s health and choices as compared to their mother’s (potential) experience. We assessed their family’s current communication style and skills, and brainstormed as to how their new brother might fit into the system.

While talking Lulu shared she was feeling emotionally triggered from a traumatic experience from her past. After generally sharing her experience and receiving emotional support from her siblings, I suggested she reach out to her own mental health counselor to receive therapeutic assistance.

Counseling and coaching, both valuable methods of support, offer different methods and perspectives. If you’re curious which might work for you, reach out to your local mental health person to ask what they might suggest for your particular situation.

I’d love to hear about your experiences at amy@peaktopeakcounseling.com, 303-258-7454, and you can always find past articles at www.peaktopeakcounseling.com or find us at www.facebook.com/peaktopeakcounselingservices.