“It was my honeymoon,” Allya laughed, “so it’s ok I got a little tipsy.” I noticed her new husband Decker was not looking nearly as happy.

“A little tipsy?” Decker responded. “You insulted the waitress, offended the hotel clerk, and I had to basically carry you up to our room. It was embarrassing, and totally ruined the night!” Decker’s voice was rising by the end. “There’s having a good time, and then there’s way over the top.” Allya looked confused and hurt.

“It’s not a real job,” Colin explained.

“What do you mean?” I asked. “I thought you were working at a sporting goods store on the weekends?”

“I was,” Colin said, “but I decided to blow off my shift and go on a roadtrip with my friends. I mean, what’s the big deal? Anyone can hang shirts and stock shelves. It’s not like a career or something.”

“So they fired you?” I wondered out loud.

“Nah, I just stopped showing up. They’ll figure it out.”

“How’s your budget going?” I asked Lucia.

“Oh it’s fine,” she said, looking away from me.

“Are you sure?” I questioned her.

“Well, I was cleaning out the garage and realized a lot of my snowboarding equipment was old. There were some big sales happening, so I decided to buy some new things.”

“How many new things?” I asked.

“Well, just some basics,” Lucia hedged.

“By basics, do you mean all new gear?” I pushed.

“Well yeah,” Lucia said, “but I really needed it! It’s such a good investment.”

Justifying, explaining, excusing, pretending, and trying to convince ourselves (and others) that our unhealthy behavior is really ok is a form of denial, or a way of living in a fantasy world. In Allya’s experience, vacation was about “letting loose,” including drinking as much as she wanted, whenever she wanted. With further conversation she admitted she always counted on someone else to take care of her, instead of being responsible for herself. Although not the same, she and Decker decided to schedule a re-do honeymoon camping trip full of fun, shared activities, and limited alcohol.

Colin’s dose of reality came in the form of a friend/co-worker who called him out at a party the following weekend, yelling at Colin about how thoughtless and selfish he was to ghost all of them. Colin came into his next session ready to talk about the healthy way to act in a workplace, and created a plan to repair with the sporting goods staff.

It turns out Lucia felt very bitter and angry about “having to be on a budget.” She blamed her ex-husband for spending all of their money, and her kids and mother for being so demanding. She really believed she DESERVED new equipment, and it didn’t matter if she could afford it or not. Lucia was stuck in the past, identifying herself as a victim of the world around her. She spent some time working on accepting the circumstances of her previous marriage, grieving the financial life she wished she had at this point, and making concrete steps to live a healthful and affordable present with her family.

Denial can offer us temporary shelter from difficult feelings and life experiences, but if it goes on too long it can damage our present circumstances. What is something you’ve been avoiding facing in your own life?

I’d love to hear about your experiences at amy@peaktopeakcounseling.com, 303- 258-7454, and you can always find past articles at www.peaktopeakcounseling.com or find us at www.facebook.com/peaktopeakcounselingservices.