Omayra Acevedo, Peak to Peak. A day not that long ago, I put on a swimsuit that I had not worn in about eight years. Yes, it still fit. However, as hard as I work on my physical fitness, you would never catch me wearing such a thing in public. Why? How much time do you have? I won’t bother you with the details, but I will tell you that it wasn’t what I saw when I looked in the mirror that affected me. It was how I felt. At first glance, I wanted to vomit. I scrutinized every imperfection I noticed. Then, I started focusing on the positive things. I was 32 when I last wore this and the fact that it still fit at 40 meant that I was doing something right. At least that’s what I convinced myself of. 

So often we tell ourselves that we’re not pretty enough unless someone else tells us. Even then, we have a hard time believing it. A lot of us are conditioned to believe that in order to be beautiful our skin must be perfect, our tummy must be flat, we can’t weigh more than 120 pounds, we have to wear makeup, dress pretty, have money, buy expensive jewelry, I can go on and on. It has taken me a while, but I’ve come to learn that true beauty is a feeling and no one else has anything to do with it. 

Insecurities can make us very fragile and negative beings. I used to be one. How did I change it? Practice, practice, practice. Anytime I would feel uncomfortable in my own skin, I would start by writing something I did like about myself - like my natural curly hair. I like that. Then, I would follow it by doing something that made me feel good. Sometimes it was yoga, other times I would meditate, go for a run, paint, read something inspiring, eat something healthy, exercise, volunteer at the zoo or even watch something funny on TV. Exercise and diet are my strongest allies, so my fitness journal is covered in motivational quotes.

The point I’m trying to make is that regardless of why we feel how we feel about ourselves; we are the only ones that can change that feeling. Everyone else is dealing with their own demons. We can encourage and motivate each other, but we should not put the pressure on one another in order to feel better about ourselves. I’m not suggesting we create a better version of ourselves and become cocky.

What I’m saying is this: grow to be okay with who you are, offer a thank you after any compliment and stay humble. I’m human and I still have my struggles with beauty. Though, I’ve grown to change how I deal with it. Now, if I do look in the mirror, I don’t think about what I see nearly as much as how I feel. As Blake Lively put it: “The most beautiful thing you can wear is confidence.”

(Originally published in the July 30, 2020, print edition of The Mountain-Ear.)