Ann Sherman, Nederland.  “The most stressful part of our day is getting the kids out the door on time. I hated feeling like a frazzled mom or having my kids feel lousy after I had turned into a drill sergeant on school mornings,” admitted Liz Emmett-Mattox, author of All Good Mornings. “The morning struggle is real. You are not alone if the morning frenzy wreaks havoc on you and your family, but there are concrete things you can do to create a more peaceful morning routine.”

Parents at Nederland Elementary School gathered on Jan. 16, 2018 to hear why mornings are so difficult and to work on specific steps for changing how everything goes. Emmett-Mattox shared that transitions, decisions, time pressure, and brain development have to be considered if we want to start the day feeling calm, cool, and connected to our children. It is incredibly difficult for children of all ages to emotionally transition from sleep to wake, pajamas to school clothes, upstairs to downstairs, etc. The sheer number of required transitions creates anxiety—so gently transitioning by spending a few minutes warmly or playfully connecting with your child first thing in the morning can make all the difference. Children can face decision fatigue when we ask them to process so many choices early in the morning – “eggs or cereal? juice or milk? apple or orange juice? green or blue cup?” If your child is melting down at breakfast, try to limit the number of decisions they need to make. Create a weekly breakfast menu schedule from their favorite items.

Since the stress of meeting deadlines and time pressure makes adult energy go haywire, parents must work diligently not to take things personally and to remain as calm as possible in the morning. Children pick up on our rushed, stressed-out energy and tend to mimic our emotional state. Taking time to have a shower, do some stretches, or savor a cup of coffee before starting our children’s morning routine helps put us in a nurtured state to deal with the impending challenges.

Finally, since the human brain does not develop long term thinking skills and awareness of consequences (executive function) until one’s mid-20’s, it helps if we stop expecting our children to plan ahead and be prepared for their day. It helps to create a morning list chart (with pictures) to remind children instead of nagging repeatedly. If we ask “what’s next on your list this morning?” it helps coach children to develop their organizational skills. Pointing to an analog clock to show when to do various morning activities also creates a useful visual for children. Digital clocks are hard for children to comprehend.

Emmett-Mattox ended her presentation with tools and strategies that are detailed in her book, All Good Mornings.

** Take care of yourself -- put your oxygen mask on first so that you are in a good space to hold and guide your children in the morning.

**Nurture your child’s limbic system – instead of yelling “get up!” go snuggle, give a back rub, or have a playful pillow fight for a few minutes with your child before starting the morning routine.

**Develop a routine that works for your family – remind your child of the routine with a chart.

If you or your child loses your cool some days, have an Emotional First Aid Plan in mind for regaining the positive energy in your relationship before your child walks out the door. Liz suggests: Create a family mantra for difficult moments (i.e. “Tomorrow will be better; I love you every day”). Use a prop (magic wand, bubbles, spray bottle with essential oil) to shift the mood. Invent a silly ritual to acknowledge and shake off the frustrated, stressed feelings. Or, find a song that helps you and your kids to lighten the mood. You can glean more ideas from Liz’s book at https://www.dreamgardencoaching.com/landing/all-good-mornings/.

(Originally published in the February 1, 2018, print edition of The Mountain-Ear.)