Ann Sherman, Parenting Matters Coordinator, TEENS, Inc. Here are the final two pillars for supporting your child during remote learning (continued from last week):

Create Strong Bonds and a Sense of Safety at home. Teachers will be working their darndest to get to know and bond with your child virtually. But how will you maintain and strengthen your bond with your children during this challenging time?  

Work on being super present with your child. Take moments to observe your child when they are working or playing and make positive comments about what you are noticing. Turn off your devices when you are interacting with your child. Allow them to feel your presence instead of noticing that you are multitasking.

Do emotional check-ins with your child. Ask them to name how they are feeling one or more times each day, and then ask for them to identify what is causing them to feel that way.  

Outwardly express confidence in your role as parent and teaching assistant. Let your child hear you say, “We’ve got this.  We just need to listen carefully to the directions, make a plan to get it done, and ask for help when we don’t understand.  I expect you to give this your best effort each day and I will too.”

Do not watch the news when your children are within sight and sound of it. The unfiltered weight of the world is not appropriate for young children to have to process. Feel free to attend the November 5, Mountain Strong Families workshop “How to Become an Anti-Racist Family” if you need help having tough conversations with your child about the racial tensions in our nation.  

Request a 1-on-1 virtual office meeting between your child and their teacher to begin to get to know each other better. Share personal information about your family with the teacher and ask questions to learn to know them better. Keep your child connected to their teacher. Consider sending the teacher a video message of your child asking any questions they have about assignments instead of asking the question for them.  

Work to connect your child with their classmates and friends over virtual lunch bunches, as pen pals, or with private Zoom calls, if possible. Kids will enjoy playing virtually or reading to each other online (or with Grandparents). Fill your child’s cup with some safe, meaningful social interactions.

Try to have family suppers together most nights (with screens turned off). Tell jokes, share what you’re grateful for, and ask curious questions about each other’s day. Even if you are working nearby your child, stop to have a lunch date together. Share what you both have been working on.  

HELP YOUR CHILD REGULATE EMOTIONS. Humans tend to mirror the emotional energy that others give off. Children need coaching to calm themselves when things aren’t going well.

Work to stay calm when your child starts to get wound up. Like a seasoned teacher, purposely lower your voice, take three deep breaths, and pause before responding to their resistance or whining.

When your child gets upset or cannot focus any longer, do calming techniques TOGETHER. Use a “TIME IN” by breathing or coloring together for five minutes instead of a “TIME OUT” where the child is separated without knowing how to regulate themselves. Go outside for a bit or go to a window and look for five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, then get a drink of water and notice how it tastes.

Practice various calming and coping strategies daily …before you may need to do them in real life. Use techniques such as journaling, self-hugs, deep breathing, and exercise. These strategies naturally align your child’s developing prefrontal cortex with their reptilian brain to aid in emotional regulation.  

Set up a calming space somewhere in your house with some soothing items in it. Encourage your child to spend 10 minutes there when they need a regulation break to reset themselves for further learning. Items to include are a liquid timer or glitter jar, a Hoberman’s sphere, aroma therapy, stuffed animals, mandalas to color.  

Get outside EVERY day. Fresh air, nature play, and exploration help us all feel content and grounded. Have free play, scavenger hunts, water fights, fort building, bird watching as a needed part of each and every school day.

These practices are what teachers regularly incorporate into the school day in order to reach and teach every child. Educators know that addressing big emotions and forging relationships have to happen before other learning can take place. Use these same strategies to heal the uncertainty and chaos that is swirling around your children at this time. Try several concrete steps under each Pillar and watch your child relax into a more optimistic and motivated mindset while displaying more cooperative behavior.  

However, don’t expect overnight success. A typical classroom of kids takes several weeks to settle into a routine each fall (pre-pandemic). But by boosting each of these pillars in your home, remote learning will become easier or you and your child! 

Feel free to contact us with questions or more information about these Four Pillars (kristen.kron@bvsd.org  or ann@teeninc.org). We can do this!  

(Originally published in the September 3, 2020, edition of The Mountain-Ear.)