Sara Sandstrom, Nederland. A friend texted me Monday afternoon knowing I often go to Boulder to a King Soopers to go grocery shopping on Mondays. Her message was short asking if I was Boulder. I responded saying that I was home because I did not want to deal with shoveling the driveway. 

The next message came and left me feeling sick to my stomach. There was an active shooter in the King Soopers that I often go to. I have been there thousands of times. I could have easily been there on Monday afternoon with my kids. 

It is a strange feeling of sadness, shock, anger and thankfulness that I stayed home that day. The simple act of buying groceries in a store that feels safe became a place of fear and death. 

Even though we do not live in Boulder many of us have lived there in the past or may in the future. Many of our children were born in Boulder. Many of us were college educated in Boulder. Several people drive down the canyon to work. Boulder is where we go to doctor and dentist appointments. We go to the pharmacies and we take our kids to play in the parks. As much as we say that we do not want to be like Boulder, we are connected to them. We depend on the city in many ways. This tragedy also affects those of us who may not live in its city limits, but still have a strong connection to the city.

I often try to support small businesses and not a giant cooperation like the Kroger company. However, this is a company who gives. I know every time I shop at King Soopers a little money is going to the Nederland Elementary PTA. They support the kids in scouts selling cookies and popcorn. I find it most admirable that they employ people who often do not get a chance in our society. People who are are developmentally disabled. Everytime one of these wonderful employees bags my groceries I think of my uncle and the businesses that gave him a chance and treated him with respect. And I am grateful. 

I am the kind of parent who does not hide tragedies and death from my children. I would rather they hear about it from me instead of through the media or hearing a casual conversation on the playground. I am aware of how much to say to my children considering their ages, temperament and maturity level. The conversation starts out simple as I gauge their reactions. I answer their questions best I can and when I do not have an answer I admit it. In this situation I can not answer why it happened and must say that we may never know why these 10 people died. 

A few days after the tragedy my kids and I went to B & F Market in Nederland to buy flowers so we could take them to the growing memorials in Boulder. I want my kids to know that these horrible things happen in this society and they can make a difference in changing society for the better. I also want them to see the outpouring of community support for the families of the victims. This is a way we can help the families through this time, showing we care and are thinking of them. 

At the Boulder Police Station we were greeted by a chaplain who very professionally spoke to my kids and to me. First about general topics and then how we all felt about what happened. My son was visibly affected when he realized that the police car covered in flowers was the actual car of the officer who died. That touched his heart. My daughter loved the Paw Patrol balloon that danced on the breeze. Then, Cubby the Comfort Dog from Lutheran Church Charities approached us. What a wonderful calming presence he had as we petted him and scratched him behind his ears. His purpose was to help us and he did his job beautifully. 

We also went to the memorial at King Soopers. The flowers on the fence stretched farther than we could see at first. Many people were there and cars drove by slowly. We took special notice of the prayer flags, candles and traditional Tibetan prayer scarves that were tied to the fence. We read the names of people who died. We quietly walked from one end to the other taking in the solemn energy as the community gathered to pay their respects. 

How this event and our trip to the memorials in Boulder will affect my kids, I do not exactly know. I do believe it is healthy for children to see these rituals and understand the importance of them. There is value in saying goodbye and showing support for the loved ones hurting so much. 

As we all grapple with the tragedy in Boulder I hope we see how important it is to support strangers as well as those we know. I hope we see the benefit of a community coming together to grieve and lend encouragement to those suffering. 

(Originally published in the April 1, 2021, edition of The Mountain-Ear.)