People often ask me why I never married (or had children). Sometimes, they want to know why I don’t at least commit to someone for life. The answer is simple: Because I refuse to settle.

I’m not afraid of commitment. That’s the easy part. The challenge is finding the perfect partner. A partner who communicates with transparency - that’s number one on my list, followed by a great sense of humor, but not annoying, someone who’s intelligent, independent, compassionate, and accepts me for who I am without judgment.

Aside from those things, I want passionate love. The kind of love that makes your heart explode with fireworks and fills your gut with butterflies. I want to look at my partner and feel breathless.

I know I’m dreaming. Such a thing doesn’t seem to exist. At least, that’s what I once convinced myself of. Luckily, I’m a strong woman, and I know that the only way to attract what I want is to give it to myself.

Here are some things I’ve been practicing to improve self-love. First, before getting out of bed, I say something kind about myself. I follow this with something I’m grateful for. Second, I make sure I’m doing everything in my power to get a good night’s sleep, including the following:

1. A diet full of healthy protein, vegetables, water, and little to no carbohydrates or sugar.

2. Remove all the negativity in my life. Yes, people, too.

3. Exercise.

4. Get as much outdoor time as possible.

5. Learn something new every week, month, season, or year.

6. Laugh.

7. When a negative thought enters my mind, I yell, “NEXT!”

8. Immediately replace negative thoughts or feelings with something positive.

9. Take time to self-reflect.

10. Before falling asleep, and no matter what the day has brought, I tell myself, “Good job today. Tomorrow will be even better.”

My life story is mine to write, including the love chapter. At 44, though I’ve never married, the prospect of real love seems brighter than ever before. How so? Because I’m learning to love myself the way no one ever has or can.

For more self-love ideas, check out The Mountain-Ear’s Body, Mind, and Spirit Guide, where you can find everything you need, from hair salons to skincare and massages to fitness. Go, show yourself love every day. You’re worth it!