Ann Sherman, Nederland. They came with tiny babies, energetic toddlers, and tons of older siblings. They came from Ward, Gilpin County, downtown Nederland, Ridge Road, and even as far away as Estonia! Parents with defiant preteens and squirmy elementary students gathered for the final Mountain Strong Families event of 2019, sponsored by TEENS, Inc with the help of Mountain Forum for Peace.  

NES school counselor Kristen Kron, and local therapist and social worker Carrie Evans, summarized how to “discipline” and redirect children so that they develop strong social emotional skills.  This final parenting event held at NES, entitled No Drama Discipline in Action:  How to Redirect and Reconnect, followed the nationally acclaimed work of Dr. Dan Siegel and Tina Paine Bryson.  

Earlier sessions focused on (1) stress management for parents, (2) understanding brain development and how children learn to behave, (3) the importance of connecting in positive ways if we want children to obey, and (4) communicating empathy and comfort for a child’s feelings and underlying needs when they misbehave. This final session helped parents pull these ideas all together by encouraging them to frontload the expected behavior in order to set limits, validate feelings instead of shaming, and use fewer words to describe problematic behavior rather than long lectures.  

Parents were given a chance to practice involving their child in the discipline process in order to solve the problem and develop their critical thinking, reframe a “no” into a “yes with a condition”, and reinforce the child’s positive behavior. One mother said she really liked this “gentle, positive parenting approach” offered during the five sessions. This same approach is continuing to be implemented at Nederland Elementary School as our society moves away from a more punitive reaction to misbehavior and understands more about how children actually learn from their mistakes. 

Evans and Kron outlined how to have a restorative conversation when misbehavior has occurred. Once everyone has soothed their intense emotions, parents can process the following questions with their child. What other strategies do you need to use to feel better? How are you going to fix this situation? How can we solve this problem together? What does your sibling need to feel better?  It is vital to reconnect with one another and repair any harm that has occurred.  Rather than punishing a child for their behavior, parents were encouraged to help the child learn to be accountable for their words and actions and repair their relationships. Parents, too, can circle back and model how to apologize when they have yelled or demanded instead of calmly stating their ideas and giving choices to the child.  

Parenting is such an exhausting, rewarding, joyful and frustrating endeavor. It was clear that the nearly 75 adults who attended one or more of the Mountain Strong Families sessions appreciated the support they felt from one another in performing their role. One mother, who has lived in three different countries, believes that “the United States is the least child-friendly of them all.”  This series helps fill a need for supporting mountain families. It offers a free homecooked meal and childcare while parents laugh and cry together in their misery and triumphs. “There has been less yelling at our house,” admitted one parent after utilizing the ideas in No Drama Discipline.  “I learned how important it is to get down at the child’s eye level to talk through misbehavior,” said another mom, who understands now how our brains can launch us into fight or flight.  

“It’s great to come together, hear that we are all going through similar situations, and learn the latest information about how to raise healthy, whole human beings,” said Ann Sherman, Parenting Matters Coordinator. TEENS, Inc plans to continue this series and offer ongoing opportunities for parents. To get on the mailing list for future sessions, contact ann@teensinc.org.

A group of local therapists from New Growth Therapy, Peak to Peak Counseling, along with TEENS, Inc’s counselor Andrea Begin, are offering a parent support group at 110 Snyder Street beginning Wednesday, December 11, 2019, at 10 a.m. to help families through the additional stress of the holiday season. Check out this new opportunity to create a mountain community where all parents and kids feel nurtured and embraced!  

(Originally published in the December 12, 2019, print edition of The Mountain-Ear.)