Myoozik Nom De Guerre, Nederland. Nederland-Newerlanders are now making the shift from an aging hippie town to a dynamic wealth haven.
We all remember the old vision people had of Nederland: a quiet but independent town, just outside of Boulder, where you could still let your hair down and be a hippy. Like Ward, but with plumbing.

Now the new Newerlanders are revitalizing the town, with cooler Tersa cars, Tight Stuff Tight II (Only 25”) yoga pants, and $4 coffee that you can sip from your Native Artisanal crafted cups. I love this new breed, just because artisanal means: made in a traditional or non-mechanized way, like that electronic item you carry everywhere, staring at it in a very non-mechanical way, while it tells you what to do and how to behave.
I sat down with one of these mellow, thoughtful folks and asked what this exciting new perspective on the town’s future was. Privilege was the watchword.

“You just gotta have the freedom. There’s nothing like the ability to choose where you want your life to be, and to explore all these things life can give you, so you don’t have to do stuff that’s creepy.”

We really got down, in a long discussion, between tweets and FaceTime: “So, unfortunately, there’s simply no way to use FaceTime and Android together, so you need to get an I-phony or we can’t be friends..” to the details of “creepy” meaning “work” with something as crazy as “hours” you actually had to “be there.” So, I asked how the town would develop if it is getting harder and harder to find people to “serve” for the local “businessperson” when they can’t find a “place to live.”

Apparently, there is an app for that.

Mostly, the products we have here are available on the internet, and with no downtime, freight or taxes, and we don’t need people here except to serve beer and food. I asked what would you do if you had to go to ACE and get a plumbing product for that broken shower in the kid’s bathroom? (Hold this bucket right here till I get back!!)

“Why would someone know how to fix that stuff, anyway? You got guys in Boulder, (well, in Lafayette, plumbers can’t afford Boulder) who can do that. Look ‘em up online.”

Our discussion of the local area also touched on things we need to fix: roads are terrible, (remember those taxes you don’t want to pay?) and the class of people who are here in the summer. Who is going to start a recycling home pickup service so we don’t have to get so sticky?

One of the biggest problems the Newerlanders have is: the way many of the locals are SO abusive online, and the lack of respect many seem to have for the “Newerlanders.” Lifestyles are going to change, as the richer get richer, it’s just a way of life. Respect for those who are entitled to get it, and the way people are so nasty, online, about privilege, and how that is just the way it’s going to be, makes some sigh in disbelief.

For one thing, you should be able to drive as fast as you want in the Canyon. Passing zones are for old cars, and the new cars can pass safely anywhere, and we know with this diplomatic plate you will not get stopped even if you are caught.

Another thing the police should be doing: discouraging tourism! Because it keeps the locals who really own the resources from using them in a timely way. How many Nebraskans do I have to wait for, to get MY narcissistic cup of coffee?

There are several support groups that have been put together to help the Newerlanders form and sustain the new way the town SHOULD be, but they have failed to develop into anything yet, as everybody wants to be the president.

Still, the growth and pride of the newbies will push the old out of the way and we will begin a bright new future.

There’s an app for that too.