Dear Editor,

Human connection is among our most basic needs. Infants deprived of regular nurturing physical contact have an exponentially higher mortality rate than those given enough physical affection. Chronic social isolation correlates with a dramatically increased death rate among adults. Put simply, lack of connection is a survival threat.

We are hard-wired for connection and interdependence, and the epidemic-level prevalence of loneliness and isolation among Americans is fueling what many public health experts are calling our number one public health crisis. Yet the average individual experiencing these feelings tends to blame themselves.

I work as a nature-based psychotherapist in Nederland. I find that for most of the people I work with, lack of connection is at the core of their struggles. And my clients are lovely human beings- through my work with them, I am an absolute believer in the goodness of humanity. Yet almost without exception, they believe that the reason they feel disconnected is because something is wrong with them.

All of the existential threats we face today are the result of disconnection: with each other, with ourselves, with the earth. The illusion that we are separate from each other is what fuels the vast majority of human suffering, and leads to the destruction of our planet. Author Tara Brach calls this “the trance of separation,” we mistakenly believe that we are separate, that we are unworthy, and that we don’t belong.

Many of us are waiting for someone to reach their hand through the curtain and convince us of our belonging and worthiness before we are willing to tiptoe into the vulnerability required to relate to others in a real way. No one will do that work for us. We must become the ones offering connection. Yes, it’s vulnerable and risky- but it’s our moral imperative.

Each one of us must become an agent for social change. Start by assuming that most people with whom you cross paths share a longing for connection, a sense of its lacking, and a belief that their absence of a real “tribe” is somehow indicative of their own unworthiness. Remind yourself that your own feelings of disconnection are not a reflection of your worth. Instead of worrying about how others are judging you, ask yourself: how can I reassure this person in front of me that they belong? This is a gift you can offer to the world. Create opportunities for people to connect with you and with each other, even if this idea scares you. Our developmental task is to overcome our own insecurities and grow into the largest-possible version of ourselves so that we can help others start to recognize their own belonging.

The battles playing out in society are reflected inside each of us on a smaller scale. It is essential for us to orient toward social connection in order to solve the problems we face. This involves remembering our belonging - and finding ways to deliver that sense of belonging to others.

Zoe Lewis

Nederland