Kristi Venditti, Nederland. About thirty Nederland area parents gathered last Wednesday night for the High Performance Parenting workshop.  Many of the parents have students who will be making the transition to the middle school in the fall, and as can be expected, were looking for some suggestions on how to help their child through the transition.

Adam Fels, the new Nederland Middle/Senior High School principal,;Greg Guevara, the assistant principal; and Aly Shambo, the school counselor; provided an evening full of thought-provoking information, laughs and reflection.

Adam Fels has been an educator with the Boulder Valley School District for over thirty years and created the “High Performance Parenting” workshop out of his experience as an educator, coach, administrator, and parent. One of the goals of High Performance Parenting is to help parents support each other as parents and to “discuss, laugh and challenge ourselves to be better parents.”

The workshop grew out of what Adam saw as a need to rebuild parent communities.  He commented that over the last twenty years there has been increasing pressure on parents to have the strongest, fastest, smartest kids (think Baby Einstein) and the community has paid the price.  However, Adam did commend Nederland area parents for having a strong parent community, and encouraged parents to hold on to that when times get tough.

The foundations of High Performance Parenting are: be committed, have fun, be proactive, create community, be positive, be a role model, be explicit about your values, and be a parent who is consistently learning.

Some Highlights of the Evening:

Be Explicit About Your Values

Decide and verbalize what your family values are. Do not assume that your child knows what your family values are.  Model your values. Hold yourself and your child responsible for living up to your family’s values. Every family has different values.

Practice Positive Parenting

Offer praise for success, determination, work load, choices, etc. and discontinue threats, fear and sarcasm. Compare your child’s success to his/her own growth and discontinue comparisons to other kids. Openly support teachers and coaches – reserve your concerns for private communications. Have fun!

Implement the 24 Hour Rule

When kids mess up, implement the 24 hour rule. It gives your child time to think and allows parents time to make a plan that both parents can agree on (or parent and friend – High Performance single parents should have a trusted friend they can confide in).  It is a cool down and reflection period.

Accept Strife and Stress

Allow your child to go through some strife and stress. It builds character and problem solving skills.Don’t rescue them and fix everything in middle/high school. Put the responsibility back on them. Often your child just wants to vent and does not want you to “fix it.” Parents should listen and support. Do not take sides. Use open ended questions when conversing with your child: “What do you think would have worked better?”

Parents may want to start investigating their child’s story if the same issues come up week after week. Children will tell you their side of the story – their truth to get you to take their side.  Parents must love their children unconditionally but we do not need to believe everything they say.

High performance parents support their kids through their struggle in life by: positive parenting, role modeling, supporting self-advocacy, and unconditional love and support.

Practice Soft Supervision

Use observational parenting – keep an eye on your children but don’t hover. Don’t get involved unless there is a total freak out.  When your child is at practice – leave.

Find Mentors

Find, develop, and utilize at least two other adult mentors with your child. The transition from elementary school to middle school and then from middle school to high school requires mentors. Be purposeful about who they are. Children want to belong and be part of something.  Find that for them and encourage it. Finding the right role model for your child is well worth the time and energy.

Grow as a Parent

Reflect on your parenting practice and make a goal for yourself. Modify as needed. Base your parenting techniques on your child’s abilities. Be flexible, allow yourself the space to make mistakes, have fun, and love your child no matter what.

Many thanks to Adam, Aly, and Greg for offering this workshop to our community and for presenting the information in a way that made the audience laugh and engage.

Also, a huge thank you the NMSHS’s Parent Engagement Network and TEENS, Inc. for organizing, and to The Peak to Peak Prevention Coalition, Nederland Elementary School’s PTA, and Nederland Middle Senior High School for sponsoring the evening with food, space and childcare.

If you would like to get involved with the great work of the NMSHS Parent Engagement Network, please attend the next meeting at Nederland Middle/Senior High School on Tuesday, May 5th at 3:30 p.m.