Barbara Lawlor, Nederland

Sometimes it seems unlikely that marriage can survive a span of decades and all the changes that the partners goes through in that time. For example: a couple married 40 years met when they were hippies and filled with a revolutionary spirit, fell in love, got married, and now he is in the insurance business and she golfs at the country club and they are appalled at what the world is coming to. What happened to the people they were? And how did they adjust to the changes of middle age and then becoming elderly.?

How does love last? The couples who make it through thick and thin are not heroes or martyrs; they have learned what is most important in making a marriage work over smooth and rough roads alike. And it is different for every couple.

Nederland residents Cathy and Rocky Stiers recently celebrated their 35th anniversary, and as they looked back on their life together they agreed it hasn't a been a bowl of cherries or a bed of roses, but a little of both—with thorny patches and mud puddles on the way. They have dealt with tragedy together, and instead of letting pain rip them apart, they gained strength from each other and emerged through the hard times damaged but intact, and still in love.

This Friday, February 14, the Cathy and Rocky Stiers will celebrate Valentine's Day with each other, with a dinner and a night at the Boulderado Hotel, where luxury awaits them. Cathy loves hotels and Rocky loves the woods—compromise being the bottom line here.

They met in Boulder in the 70s, when a whole generation of young adults were declaring their independence from the world of middle-class complacency.

Cathy was from New Rochelle, New York; and although she had no clue what she wanted to do with her life, she never really wanted a career. She loved to write and thought she might be a poet.

She left New York to study at CU, where she made straight As but soon became bored and dropped out of college to become a maid at the Highlander Motel and a dishwasher at the Olympic Bowling Alley. She and her friends liked to party.

Rocky lived in Boulder from age six. He is a Fairview High School graduate, where he attended welding classes. His father was a tool and die maker and Rocky always loved making things out of metal. He worked as a carpenter for a couple of years after high school and found a passion for making silver jewelry.

When they first met, Cathy had a boyfriend and Rocky had a girlfriend. At one point, Cathy worked with Rocky's girlfriend at the motel and mentioned that she would like to buy some pot and the girl friend said she thought Rocky could get her some. We're talking about the 70s, here, when marijuana was prevalent but still pretty hush-hush.

Cathy lived in a trailer on Violet and Broadway and Rocky lived in a trailer on 63rd and Arapahoe and was working at Collins Machine Shop. When they met through their friends, Rocky knew he had found his life partner.

"In the moment I looked at her, I saw a spark I had never seen before or since. It sounds kind of cheesy, but it's true."

Rocky was living with his cousin Rory at the time, and for a while Cathy was confused about who she was talking to, couldn't get their names straight. She knew she liked Rocky but she kept calling and asking for Rory—who was rather good looking, according to Cathy.

When Cathy finally figured out who she was speaking to, she and Rocky began chatting about their problems with their respective relationships. A few months later, they each broke up with their current squeezes and fell into each other's arms.

Neither Cathy or Rocky wanted a committed relationship and marriage was out of the question. No long-term relationship, they both agreed.

Cathy says, "Marriage sounded boring. Besides that, my parents had gone through a nasty divorce and I didn't want any part of that."

While they dated, in early 1979 Cathy worked for Soldier of Fortune magazine, which was close to where Rocky worked. Sometimes when Rocky was working the night shift, Cathy would buy a bottle of Mateus wine and at 2 a.m. would drive around the neighborhood where Rocky worked, looking for him as he walked home on Arapahoe.

She would pull up next to him and say she was just going for a ride and would he like some wine?

In May of 1979, the couple took a trip to Canyonlands to camp and explore. When they went up to Looking Glass Rock, Cathy climbed into the rock and couldn't get out.

"It was kind of high and it was a little space and I wasn't an outdoor girl and I had a panic attack. I can't get out, I told Rocky." After much coaxing and assuring her that it would be okay, Rocky managed to calm her down and she came out. She had been a little on edge after a herd of cows had surrounded their tent during the night.

"It was his comforting presence that made me feel safe in coming out," remembers Cathy. "And he still is that comforting presence."

On the way home, after a long drive in the car, Rocky and Cathy pulled over for awhile to take a break. They were both tired and when they had relaxed, Rocky said, "Since we are made for each other in Heaven, we should do the same thing here on earth."

Cathy didn't know what he was talking about. "Oh, that's nice," she replied. When it dawned on her what he was saying, she answered "Yes!"

It was official. They had fallen in love and were getting married, in spite of all their vows not to. And once they made that decision, they were eager to do it right away. He wanted to get married in July; she thought September would be nice. He won, and the couple, after being engaged for three weeks, were married on top of Flagstaff Mountain in the amphitheater.

It was big, traditional wedding, the first event ever planned by Cathy. They had a Unitarian minister; she wore a fancy gown and Rocky wore a navy suit and they stayed at the Hilton Harvest House in Boulder.

One of their wedding presents was a honeymoon trip to Hawaii. By this time Rocky had been selling his silver jewelry and tables and had just been invited to attend a five-day art show.

It was their first fight. Cathy wanted to go to Maui and Rocky wanted to attend the show, having a feeling it could be a good venue to boost his career. They went to the show and fought for five days. Rocky said, "It was our only means of support at the time. We had both quit our jobs and started a business."

Cathy purchased the supplies and did the marketing. She taught herself how to run the business by reading books. Rocky created his jewelry. They spent their honeymoon at an art show, but it turned out that Rocky met some guys from San Diego who were opening stores in Colorado and they invited Rocky to sell his art in their stores in Northglenn and Aurora— just the kind of opportunity an artist strives for. They made enough to live on and the two stores were their mainstay.

Both Cathy and Rocky sold their trailers and the couple moved to Nederland, where they set up their jewelry business and lived and worked for the next 35 years. They say they had their ups and downs but bumbled along and got by. Rocky says, "We were too stupid to know that it is impossible to make a living from art."

Two years ago, while at the Nederland Post Office, Cathy saw a man bring in a bunch of packages and he told her he had an online business from his home. Aha, she thought, we can do that! Since then, Rocky's work can be seen and purchased on Etsy.com.

In 1983, their relationship was challenged by tragedy. Cathy was pregnant and the baby, a boy, decided to come into the world early. He was stillborn in the back of the Stiers Subaru in Boulder Canyon.

Cathy was devastated. "All of our idealism, innocence—all good things changed. Our marriage changed on that day."

Cathy said she went to bed and ate Fig Newtons and cried, unable to get back into life. Rocky was a bit more inured to the pain, saying his mother had lost two babies, and he knew he had to just go on; that there was something beyond the loss.

He says, "You can't fall into the trap of blame. It is all a part of life and we worked through it quickly and it made our marriage stronger." But Cathy said the marriage was different. "There was something gone. The happy hippie fun-loving couple was gone. Our idealistic life was stopped in its tracks. We had learned about joy and success but now we had to learn how to share heartbreak and sadness."

A year after his death, the couple named their son Adam.

Their relationship with the community changed. Cathy says that after Adam died, many people stopped talking to them, that family and friends pulled away from them. They gave up on having children, not wanting to go through that again. They opened Village Artisans in Boulder and grew closer to each other, bonding on deeper levels.

One day when Cathy was working, her obstetrician came to see her and told her he could get her a baby, that he had a surgical process that would ensure her carrying a baby to term.

Cathy thought, "I can't do it, I can't have another baby die." But she did it, and in December, 1985, Samantha was born six weeks prematurely. Cathy had been put on bed rest. They had to close their store while Rocky waited on Cathy hand and foot. He created a long pole for her to change the TV channels.

On December 4, 1985, Cathy's water broke as she watched Jeopardy. It was six weeks before her due date, January 22, and she and Rocky found themselves, once again, in a mad rush down the canyon. She was sure the baby was going to die.

"We got to the doctor's and ran into Celeste Hazelwood, who was Nederland's Postmaster back then. She looked at me and asked, "What are you doing here?"

Cathy said, "I am having a baby." Samantha was taken to Children's Hospital where she stayed in the neonatal unit for a month. Cathy and Rocky drove to Denver every day during that stressful time.

Three years later, Laura was born, in March of 1989; she also lived at Boulder Community Hospital for a month. Rocky said he was focused on good outcomes and didn't fret about the rest of it while he kept the business running.

For the next four years, the sun broke through the clouds and the Stierses enjoyed their little girls. Then, on September 26, l993, they were hit with the horrible news that Rocky's dad had been killed on the Peak to Peak Highway when an oncoming vehicle hit him head-on. He had seen the car coming at him and swerved, taking the brunt of the crash to save his wife.

A dark cloud descended over the couple. It was a difficult time. They asked themselves how they would get over the grief. "We didn't," says Cathy. "We found another new normal," says Rocky. "Our humor became ironic, dark. Can it really get any worse? we asked ourselves.”

This time they didn't help each other. They ran the business, took care of the girls and spent little time together. Each of them was trying to survive individually. But slowly, Cathy came to rely on Rocky emotionally. He was her protector, her reassurer. "I depended on him to get me through each day and I became overprotective of my daughters."

She plunged into volunteering at the school and became involved in school programs. The girls had a fun childhood, she says; they were always happiest when they were out in the woods together. Rocky discounts Cathy's statement of dependence.

"Actually, in a crisis Cathy is the best. When things get bad, she makes sure things come out good."

On July 21, 1999, Cathy and Rocky renewed their vows on their 20th anniversary. People came from all over the country to celebrate with them. They wore tie-dyed shirts, and their long-time friend Sue Leto did the flowers and Cathy's hairpiece.

On their 35th anniversary, Rocky and Cathy spent the week at Teton Village at an art show. Some things never change.

Discussing their relationship, Rocky says they have nothing in common. He is an introvert and is happy in the outdoors. Cathy is extroverted and urban.

They say, "We live together and work together so we often focus on what we do apart. I write, he does music. Our business is the fourth child, the one that never leaves the nest. We are now full circle, back to where we started. Our differences have combined to make us a couple."

On Valentine's Day Rocky and Cathy are going to party in Boulder and stay at the Boulderado. Rocky laughs and says he can't get away with giving her jewelry. Even though they celebrated their silver anniversary, she told him, "If you give me silver, I'm leaving you."

They can laugh now and kid each other, knowing that their future together is sealed by a life shared and nurtured through the good and bad, the better and worse.