For the last 20 years it has been difficult to celebrate my birthday because it falls on an inauspicious date. The synchronized terrorist attacks Al Qaeda sponsored that day rocked the world, changed America’s psyche, and transformed 9/11 into hallowed ground.

In the immediate aftermath of those attacks America was united in ways that seem incomprehensible now. People from all political tribes, races, and socioeconomic backgrounds un-ironically displayed their patriotism with flags and other symbols, galvanized by anger and grief. Civility, volunteerism, and respect for those who serve society (firefighters, police, and medical personnel) soared.

The world was also overwhelmingly (not universally) supportive of America in that moment. “We are all Americans,” said the Paris weekly Le Monde after the attacks. Even Valdimir Putin condemned the “barbaric acts” of that day as Russian citizens were seen weeping in the streets. In Beijing, the sidewalk of the American embassy was lined with flowers and cards left spontaneously.

We occupy a different world today. This world is one where our engagement with tribal factions eclipses concerns about foreign adversaries. Where even allies openly criticize American leadership and challenge the intentions behind it. Where the institutions serving our society are attacked relentlessly. Where surveillance is universal, despite our reputed freedoms.

Looking back now, it is clear that 9/11 actually spawned many of the attributes that define contemporary America.

The “war on terror” that followed the September 11 attacks has claimed hundreds of thousands of lives, reshaped our relations with Muslims across the world, and led directly to our country’s longest running military conflict. Total spending by the Defense Department, State Department, and Department of Homeland Security from 2001- 2020 (including future spending on veterans) adds up to $5.4 trillion. That spending, and the policy alternatives it created, heartened defense hawks even though many view the war on terror as a notorious boondoggle.

Domestic support for perpetuating America’s presence in Iraq, Afghanistan, and the Middle East more broadly has been waning. Cost concerns certainly play a role in this shift, but the fluid and ill-defined nature of our mission objectives has also undermined public perceptions. Another legacy of 9/11 is that Americans display a growing reluctance to continue playing the role of global hegemon.

From the first Patriot Act to the formation of the Department of Homeland Security, the surveillance we endure today is also a product of 9/11. Under the enthusiastic direction of Vice President Dick Cheney, the war on terror was used to justify expansive new powers for the government and centralizing federal authority over local police.

As an offshoot of the war on terror, Humvees and a wide range of gear from Iraq and Afghanistan were recycled for use by domestic police forces. Over-militarization of policing is now one of the strongest policy objections raised by BLM protesters and social justice advocates in the aftermath of George Floyd’s murder.

In some notable examples, the war on terror even encouraged the US government to act in ways that had not been authorized by law. Private mercenary company Blackwater was used to conduct military operations in Iraq that ultimately included abusive interrogation techniques at secret rendition sites. National Security Agency programs exposed in 2013 by whistleblower Edward Snowden were shown to involve illegal domestic data collection on American citizens. This was not America at its best.

Government credibility domestically was not the only challenge. More damage was done abroad by the revelation that NSA spying included mobile phone taps on senior leaders among the Five Eyes Intelligence Alliance. America’s role as the poster child for democracy and leading advocate for a rules-based international order suffered from all of these incidents.

The September 11 attacks also punctured our collective sense of invulnerability, and unleashed a new age of conspiracy theories. The smoke of 9/11 had barely cleared before a cloud of distrust and paranoia descended.

Internet echo chambers became our dominant media over the succeeding 20 years, providing lush breeding grounds for manipulation and granting extremists everywhere a permanent stage for the politics of unreality. Those politics are now on full display in the battle over Covid vaccines.

The first thing the firemen did after the twin towers fell was raise the American flag. For months afterward, we all felt that impulse. Today our national history is treated as a sin, and we seem to be trapped in a perpetual cycle of self-flagellation. No nation can succeed that is consumed by self-loathing.

Perhaps it is time to retrace our steps – to be reminded that we have adversaries outside our borders. Perhaps we need to recall that America has always been an aspiration. America is a set of ideals we march toward even if we never fully achieve them. And we can only traverse that path if we take the journey together.