Mark Cohen, Peak to Peak. I’ve got the post-election blues. But before I explain why, I just want to say, “I told you so.” The smartest thing the Democrats did in 2020 was nominate an old, white guy who was not from one of the so-called coastal liberal elitist states (New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, and California).  I told you that under our outdated electoral college system the voters that matter are the lower middle-class white voters in the Midwest, and that the best way to peel enough of them away from the Trump Cult would be to nominate an old, white guy. Because racism and sexism are real among the swing voters in the swing states, and you don’t make it go away by ignoring it.  So here’s to you, the Mrs. Robinson voters, who summoned the courage to disobey your alcoholic husbands and vote for Joltin’ Joe. Jesus loves you more than you will know.

That’s the good news. Once the orange clown leaves office, or is escorted out, we won’t have to worry about what fuel he will pour on what fire today. We won’t have to worry about what unique stupidity he will tweet. He will still pour fuel on fires and tweet stupidity, but we won’t have to worry about it because he won’t be President. Nobody outside the Trump Cult will see him as anything other than a clown. He most likely won’t even be in America. My bet is he’ll be in Moscow -- beyond the reach of state court prosecutors in New York.

I also told you that if there was a way for the Democrats to screw this up, they would find it, and that also proved correct. They lost seats in the House and their chances of gaining Senate control hinge on two runoff elections in Georgia. What happened to Susan Collins and Lindsey Graham going down in flames? Democrats made the same mistakes they always make. They believed the polls. Overconfident, some exposed themselves to Republican attacks by preaching “defunding the police.” Politically inept, they didn’t effectively fight back against the time-tested Republican charges of “socialism.” Just once I would like the Democrats to shut up about the culture war issues until after an election. Trust me, God made plenty of time. There will always be time after an election to talk about eliminating cars, making tofu mandatory, changing the name of Denver’s football team so we don’t offend our equine friends, and mandating legal recognition for the 537 different genders.

If Biden wants to sign any meaningful legislation, he must get to work in Georgia to win those two senate seats. He must get Barack Obama and Michele Obama down there to turn out the black vote. Give Stacey Abrams a cabinet position. Give Hank Aaron a cabinet position. Whatever it takes. And he needs to tell Hillary Clinton, the most hated Democrat among the Trump Cult, to stay home and shut up until the Georgia runoff elections are over. Don’t do anything that will encourage Republican turnout in Georgia. Don’t talk about gun control. Visit Jimmy Carter and shoot some clay pigeons. 

A reader tweets, “Gosh, Mark, I thought you’d be happy that Biden won.” Yeah, I’m happy in the same way that America was happy when Germany surrendered. But Germany’s surrender didn’t undo the Holocaust or bring back the 405,399 American soldiers that died in World War II. And Biden’s victory doesn’t change the fact that more than seventy million Americans voted for a man that mocked a disabled reporter on television. A man that said there were “very fine people” on both sides of the Charlottesville anti-Nazi protests. A man that said, “Don’t count the ballots.” A man who destroyed the Postal Service to deprive Americans of their right to vote. A man accused of rape and pedophilia by two dozen women. A liar. A man that called our service members “suckers” and “losers.” A man that allowed the Russians to put bounties on our troops. A man so incredibly stupid he thinks we can stop hurricanes by nuking them and prevent fires by raking forests. Biden’s victory doesn’t change the fact that the Republican senate allowed Bill Barr to turn the U.S. Department of Justice into a joke. So, while I will enjoy Biden’s victory and Trump’s utter and well-deserved humiliation, let’s not start sucking our Tootsie Pops just yet.

I can understand rich people voting for Trump. That makes sense because the rich love tax cuts the way Elway loves tall quarterbacks. I can understand pro-lifers voting for a thrice married adulterer because they would vote for Hitler over a Democrat if Hitler came out against abortion. But seventy million people?

We must face the fact that most of those seventy million people voted for Trump because they don’t believe in America. They don’t believe in democracy (where all votes are counted), they don’t believe in free speech (except for members of the Cult), they don’t believe in equality (except for members of the Cult), they don’t believe in freedom of religion (except for evangelicals), they don’t believe in the rule of law (except for the President’s power to pardon Cult members), and they don’t believe in science. Their vote for Trump was their opportunity to flip their middle finger to all those things, and you can bet they thoroughly enjoyed it.

Even if Trump goes to prison or lives out his days under Putin’s protection in Moscow, those seventy million people are not going away. Biden barely won this time, and Kamala Harris running as black female in 2024 will have to overcome hurdles Biden did not face. Maybe Biden should resign in the summer of 2024 so Harris can run as an incumbent President and take full advantage of the advantages an incumbent President has. Either that or run for a second term so the Democrats can take advantage of the old white guy dynamic one more time.  

So, yeah, I’ve got the post-election blues. Have a nice day.

(Originally published in the November 21, 2020 edition of The Mountain-Ear.)