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Building emotional intelligence: The new “IQ”

Betsy Epp
Posted 1/22/25

NEDERLAND - On Tuesday, January 7, TEENS, Inc. hosted Mountain Strong Families, a heartwarming and insightful session for parents and caregivers led by Betsy Epp, TEENS, Inc. Social Emotional Learning Coordinator and Mountain Strong Families...

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Building emotional intelligence: The new “IQ”

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NEDERLAND - On Tuesday, January 7, TEENS, Inc. hosted Mountain Strong Families, a heartwarming and insightful session for parents and caregivers led by Betsy Epp, TEENS, Inc. Social Emotional Learning Coordinator, and Mountain Strong Families facilitator Chrissy Quinlan.

From calming breaths to the intricacies of tantrum analysis, this was a night of laughter, learning, and a sprinkle of self-reflection.

The session began with a “Moment to Pause,” provided by ThisIsReboot.com. This simple yet powerful exercise reminded everyone that even a brief pause can help us tune into the bodily sensations that reveal our emotions. This exercise, which involved taking a few deep breaths and focusing on the present moment, set the tone for the evening—intentional, reflective, and occasionally humorous.

Every caregiver has wondered, “Why are they acting like this?” during a child’s emotional outburst. Quinlan explained that children’s behaviors are their way of communicating emotions they lack the words to express.

“Think of a tantrum as a flashing neon sign for an unmet need or an overwhelming emotion,” she quipped. The group explored the concept of welcoming all emotions—yes, even jealousy, impatience, and anger—as valuable.

Studies show that strong emotional intelligence (EQ) better predicts success than IQ. Epp described EQ as the ability to recognize, understand, and manage one’s emotions while being attuned to others. The best part? Kids learn this by watching us. “If you want your child to handle life’s rollercoaster gracefully, start by narrating your process,” she said, emphasizing parents' integral role in their child's emotional development.

The session featured a video highlighting how childhood emotional experiences shape adult coping mechanisms. Then, caregivers reflected on how they handled their emotions in childhood, prompting collective “aha” moments and a few chuckles of recognition.

Parents are equipped with strategies to help their kids navigate big feelings, from breathing exercises to calming corners. Quinlan demonstrated the S.T.O.P. method (Stop, Take a breath, Observe, Proceed) and discussed the benefits of “time-ins” over “timeouts.” She emphasized that co-regulation—not isolation—is key to teaching emotional regulation.

Time-ins involve staying with the child during their emotional outburst, providing comfort and support, and helping them to calm down. This approach fosters a sense of security and teaches the child that it's okay to feel strong emotions.

A highlight of the evening was the “Feelings Charades” game, where attendees actively flexed their emotional vocabularies. “Happy” and “sad” might cut it for a preschooler, but Quinlan challenged everyone to expand their repertoire.

After all, a child who can say they’re “disappointed” instead of just “mad” is already miles ahead in self-expression. This interactive game fostered a sense of engagement and involvement among the participants.

As the night wrapped up, parents were invited to visit classroom calming corners for inspiration in creating their own at home. The take-home message was clear: by modeling emotional intelligence and providing supportive tools, we can help our children—and ourselves—become more resilient, empathetic, and connected.

So, if you find yourself navigating a tantrum this week, take a deep breath, grab a feelings wheel, and remember you’re building the foundation for a brighter, more emotionally intelligent future.

TEENS, Inc. will host the next Mountain Strong Families session on February 4, from 5:15 to 7:30 p.m. at Nederland Elementary School. If you have any questions or want to register, please contact Betsy Epp at betsy@teensinc.org