Pete Wernick (Dr. Banjo) once wrote a really good article on bluegrass picks. His number one rule: Be in tune. Before starting and whenever in doubt, use a clip-on tuner. Before the invention of these tools, we all just sort of guessed when we were in tune. Thank goodness that those days are no more. Tuning forks are not traditional, they are not good enough for today’s pick etiquette.

There are some basic rules that will make you more comfortable. Knowing how to play in a bluegrass jam can make you a little more confident. I’ve collected here a lot of the “unwritten bluegrass jam rules” I remember until I start drinking.

If you only remember two things, remember to stay in tune and stay in time. The rest is mostly common courtesy. What is courtesy? Listening to other people and playing the right chord for one. What key are we playing in? How can you tell? Watch the left hand of someone (usually a guitarist) who knows the chords. Learn the chord changes as quickly as possible. Listen hard to stay on the beat and listen to the group for cues. Don’t rush, drag, or lose your place in the song. If you do, stop playing and come back in when you can.

Certain instruments are less welcome than others at a bluegrass jam. If you have a guitar, banjo, mandolin, fiddle, upright bass, resonator guitar (Dobro), or autoharp you’re golden. Those are traditional bluegrass instruments. Other instruments are welcome as well, but they need to follow the golden rules: stay in tune and stay in time. A sax solo works, trumpet, not as much. If you have an instrument that does not need to be tuned, and plays one note, you might need to join a drum circle. Didgeridoo is not acceptable unless you brought the keg and the pick is located in your daddy’s heated swimming pool area.

Look at the skill level of the folks who are playing. Do you think you can keep up with them? If not, sit out a couple and see if you will be adding something. People are pretty forgiving, but you should be able to stay with the beat.

Don’t think playing louder will make you play (or sound) better. The group dynamics of a jam is one of the things all the players look forward to. That’s what everyone remembers. A “great pick” means everyone had a good time, not that one person did a good job. Listening to other people play and PLAY LESS and listen more. If you get lost (and you should hear that) either stop playing and listen carefully to the tune to pick up the chord progression, or mute your strings and keep your rhythm hand going as you watch what other players are doing. (Did you forget your capo, and everyone else has one on?)

You can always sit out if a song is unfamiliar to you, or if the rhythm is too fast for you. In fact, you probably should.

A bluegrass pick is typically a group of musicians standing in a circle. Everyone in the circle takes turns choosing the next song. This mostly goes in a clockwise direction, but that’s not important. What is important is that you don’t stand in the middle of the circle. When it’s your turn, you can either pick a song or pass the privilege along to the next person. Surprisingly, you don’t get to do two in a row. You don’t get to just start playing out of turn, and try not to pull out a “jam buster”. That’s a song with a complex chord pattern, or requires everyone to squint at a chord chart you brought. It might make you feel good, but that’s not what “a jam” is all about.

The person who chooses the song also leads it. They might sing it, or they might ask another person (a good vocalist) to sing it. Their main job is to make sure the group is on the same page before the song starts - people know the song and know the chords. For a lot of bluegrass songs, this is pretty simple. But you should know the key, the different parts, (verse, chorus) and when they come. The leader gives an indication of the ending by raising a foot or making eye contact with the other musicians.

If you are not making eye contact, you are not doing your part of “the pick etiquette”. Pay attention to the person who is leading. If you are leading, make eye contact with the others at the pick. If it isn’t working out, end it when you think the time is right. Not everyone needs to take a solo.

When somebody else is singing or taking a lead break, you need to hear whoever is being featured at any given moment. If you can’t hear them, soften your playing until you can. This won’t do the trick if there are other inconsiderate jammers in the group, but it’s up to everyone to do their part. Remind the others who play too loud to listen more carefully, but do not “hit them” or tell them to “shut up”. That is not good “pick etiquette”.

One last thing: Ultimately, bluegrass jam etiquette is about remembering that it isn’t about you - it’s about the music and making sure everyone has a good time. You want to make the other musicians sound good, and you want to make the overall music sound good. Leave the didgeridoo at home with the drums. Learn some chords. Listen.