How to Place an Obituary

Click Here to Submit an Obituary Online

After your loved one passes away, you have so many contractual details to deal with, like home, finances, burial and funeral arrangements, the last thing you want to think about is placing an obituary in your local paper, but doing so is very important. A published obituary can be used in many cases with insurance companies and creditors to help prove the official death of a loved one, as well as letting all of your neighbors, friends and loved ones know of the passing in an efficient manner.

Although this may seem like an insurmountable task, The Mountain-Ear can help. We have a simple form to help you get started. We can put it all together into a story format for you. The cost to place an obituary is $25. That includes a photo and 750 words. Need an extended obituary? No problem. We can do that too. We can help make the process as simple as possible, for you and your family. To get your forms, more information and to see examples of published obituaries, please email publisher@themountainear.com.

Red and Green Flags: relationships after narcissistic abuse


Jacqueline Hart Gibson, Nederland. If you’ve recently found freedom from a toxic relationship, you’re likely pretty clear about red flags. You may even feel you deserve an honorary degree in relational abuse and the signs toxic partners throw about. It’s good to take some time and recognize all we have learned. The end of narcissistic abuse can bring on a seemingly steroid-injected emotional growth spurt. Breath in the freedom vibes. Once the pain has subsided it’s nice to get to know ourselves again; to marinate in peace and quiet, to answer only to ourselves and our own needs, and to feel first the absence of fear and then the fullness of safety. But then…

We are all human, and humans require connection. Sure our dog (or cat if that’s your thing) is good company but nothing really compares to that spark. No, not just the spark of initial attraction…although that’s a lot of fun. It’s the spark of true connection with another we often come to crave. We begin to miss the feeling of seeing and being seen, understanding and being understood, that meeting of minds and hearts uniquely experienced in a romantic relationship. But having been fully immersed in what we should avoid, how do we know what to look for? 

There are red flags, signs we should run for the hills, or in our case run for the flatlands. There are also green flags, signs it is safe to proceed. I suppose there are yellow flags, signs we can continue but with caution, but we can leave those for a later date. Here are three green flags to start indicating it is safe to move forward in a relationship. 

Boundaries

It always starts with boundaries for us. We aren’t just looking for someone who respects our boundaries. We want to be sure we’re clear what our boundaries are first, and that we feel secure about honoring them. Today we know it is first our job to respect ourselves. If name calling or substance abuse are not allowed in my space, for instance, then I enforce my preference by leaving the party when I think it’s getting out of hand, or walking away when the disagreement becomes an argument. If I don’t allow toxic behavior in my space today, I’m also mindful about toxic behavior in my head space. If you can’t call me a dumb ass, than I can’t call me a dumb ass either. Our boundaries, our responsibility. 

How do we know if someone else will respect our boundaries? A good sign is that they have some boundaries of their own. Examples of this can include respecting; agreed-upon times for meeting and for leaving an event, accepting answers to questions as answered, and, especially in the beginning of a relationship, asking for consent before making romantic physical contact. Consent can be confirmed, for instance, by pausing before completely moving in for a first kiss, leaving space for the other person to meet the kiss halfway. Or we can just ask, “Is this okay?” Either move is a green flag.

The gesture to confirm consent can come from either gender. If this practice feels alien to us, remember risking rejection is far less awkward than the rushed and clumsy almost kiss, that’s more like being hit in the mouth with another person’s lips.

Balance between sharing and receiving

Sometimes introverts like to be around extroverts and vice-versa. Balance doesn’t have to mean an exact 50/50 ratio of talking and listening. The ball, so to speak, should still travel between both courts, however. We should neither feel minimized by another person’s exaggerated self importance or that we are being interrogated while another fails to open up at all. For example, someone we are getting to know may talk a lot, but being self-aware they check in to be sure they are not leaving us out of the conversation entirely. These gestures appear sincere so we can see this as a green flag, if we’re comfortable. 

This equality can also look like this: both people reach out to make plans, opinions and preferences are equally weighted, and what one does for the other is acceptable when the roles are reversed. This communicates “I do for you simply because acts of kindness are enjoyable, not to keep score or hold something over you later.” We don’t accept acts of service, gifts, or emotional vulnerability that we aren’t willing to reciprocate in some way. If someone is accepting what we have to give, but offering nothing, we are caretaking, not connecting. 

We don’t have to share affection in the same ways, but when we share we’re looking for free-flowing energy moving back and forth; that’s a green flag. Feeling drained by ever-moving goal posts and slamming doors is the past. The same is true for drowning in superficial, overwhelming, or inappropriate adoration, or love-bombing. We’re done with that. We are seeking a new experience. 

Safe to be ourselves

We may still be new at cultivating non-toxic experiences. When our attempts to use our new skills are met with acceptance and similar behaviors-we have a green flag. We’re looking for someone who breathes a sigh of relief as we simply state a boundary. Healthy people don’t want to play manipulation chess matches “till death do us part.” Communicating boundaries means we don’t want to play either. Pretending to be okay with what we are not okay with isn’t flexibility; it’s dishonesty. We don’t want to be around those who prefer us when we betray ourselves. 

To be comfortable being ourselves means we would rather be rejected by another than to ever abandon ourselves again. If we share ourselves honestly and we are accepted, green flag for them. If we share ourselves honestly knowing rejection is the universe’s protection, that’s a green flag for us. 

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(Originally published in the May 27, 2021, edition of The Mountain-Ear.)