How to Place an Obituary

Click Here to Submit an Obituary Online

After your loved one passes away, you have so many contractual details to deal with, like home, finances, burial and funeral arrangements, the last thing you want to think about is placing an obituary in your local paper, but doing so is very important. A published obituary can be used in many cases with insurance companies and creditors to help prove the official death of a loved one, as well as letting all of your neighbors, friends and loved ones know of the passing in an efficient manner.

Although this may seem like an insurmountable task, The Mountain-Ear can help. We have a simple form to help you get started. We can put it all together into a story format for you. The cost to place an obituary is $25. That includes a photo and 750 words. Need an extended obituary? No problem. We can do that too. We can help make the process as simple as possible, for you and your family. To get your forms, more information and to see examples of published obituaries, please email publisher@themountainear.com.

Narcissistic family members; A nightmare every Christmas


Jacqueline Hart Gibson, Peak to Peak . Celebrating holidays with loved ones can be challenging for a whole slew of reasons. Some families are scattered across the country or serving abroad. Economic differences in extended families can bring tension around gift giving. Blended families may have different traditions and someone’s feelings are often hurt because their traditions are ignored. This year, Covid presents many of us with the chore of teaching the technologically resistant members of our tribe how to use Zoom. The liberal wing of the family may be at war with the conservative wing over masks or election results. 

For many of us though, the nightmare before, during, and after, the holidays is the same every year; the narcissist and their steady stream of drama. If there is a narcissist in your family the question is not, “Will they ruin Christmas again,” it’s “What flavor of crazy will they unleash on us this year?” 

The narcissistic mother might share your most intimate and humiliating moments growing up, with large groups of family and friends, or exaggerate your success to remind you that you are not enough without her embellishments. No gift you can give her will be, or has ever been, appreciated. Whatever you cooked for the family meal was at best, “a nice thought,” and don’t even get me started on what you’re wearing and who you brought with you. 

Matching the narc mother in both attacks on your self-image, and material for the following years therapy and energy clearing sessions, is the narcissistic mother in law. She makes clear that your presence is unwelcome and undeserved. You have been invited to celebrate with the family only because she is the gracious creature she is, and she must tolerate your existence for her child. Conversation will be set firmly in any topic you are unfamiliar with, does not include you, or ideally, makes you visibly squirm with discomfort. 

The disorder of the narcissistic personality is not confined to women, of course. Nothing brightens up a holiday like the bombs dropped by a narcissistic ex-husband. Here we can expect that his gifts to the children will be specifically designed to cause your continued suffering. After all, you are the mother of his children, holding a special place in his heart. Who would he want to direct his special attention to more than you for the holidays?  He will buy the children nothing at all because you extorted all of his money through child support, often sharing this opinion with the kids. He may go the other way, and buy a hunting knife for your son, after you agreed it wasn’t a good idea since your son is currently in therapy for cutting.  As for drop off and pick up times, there will be many needless attempts to reschedule. Any resistance from you to the Narc’s need to bring his gift of chaos to your holidays, is evidence that you are the selfish one here. The story about how you ruined his holiday is the purpose of the crazy he’s bringing, and you can expect to hear his version, exaggerated and inaccurately, repeated by the common friends you have, and sometimes even your family members, for the coming year. 

So how do we take back our holidays from these disordered Grinches? If you’ve had it with hoping “this year will be different,” only to feel powerless as the narcissist in your life takes center stage again and relieves themselves in the punch bowl, there is hope. And hope this year, in the twilight zone that has been 2020, hasn’t been too readily available. Yet an opportunity for change was gifted to us from what has been the source of most of our stress. Covid-19. 

This year take a break from the drama. Covid has given you a “get out of family holiday insanity free” card. Connect with family via Zoom or Facetime and practice these simple tips. 

Be Prepared. Walk into that house, video call or other unfriendly location with a plan. Your power stays with you. You are unshakable. The dish you brought is delicious. The outfit you’re wearing looks perfect on you. Make a decision that any invitation to participate in drama will be calmly and gracefully refused and remain focused on keeping that promise to yourself.  

Practice Gray Rock communication like it’s your job. This means absolute refusal to let on how you feel. Narcissists feed off of our range of emotions. If the ex wants a fight don’t give it to them. Get comfortable with phrases like, “I’ll have to think about that. I’ll let you know,” “that’s not my experience with…” (insert name of person they are attempting to gossip about here), or “I’ve never thought about it like that.” Then drop it. Maintain a flat tone of voice at all times. This keeps the narcissist guessing and they are likely to move on. 

Respond instead of React. The goal is to stay calm, stand your ground, and never engage in argument or allow the disordered person to see “they got you.” Our emotional reaction is their drug, so don’t react. Instead, respond carefully without agreeing or disagreeing. Remember your response has nothing to do with what they said, or what they are trying to do. If mother gives you that condescending look, respond with your most heartfelt smile. Your response is about you. You have decided on no drama this year. You deserve to keep that promise to yourself. 

Have an Escape Plan. Have a simple statement prepared that gets you off the call or out of the house early if necessary. It can be a job you have to complete, a sudden text that informs you of an urgent matter needing your immediate attention, a friend who needs help, or whatever works for you. Your story should be light on details. Honesty may be a virtue in other areas of your life, but it’s a liability when dealing with a toxic and exploitive person. If you feel you’re losing ground, that you’re about to react and play right into their hands, retreat quickly. The only way to win with a narcissist is not to play, so by forfeiting, you win. 

Make time to celebrate in your way with the people you chose. Our family can be the people we choose as family. You can celebrate a holiday with an ex and the kids and then do something unique to just you and your children at a different time. You can make it “your thing.” Start your own traditions with friends, before or after the holidays. The theme can be about giving each other the strength to get through or celebrating the fact that you all made it through another year. Celebrate with elephant gifts and potluck meals; it doesn’t have to be lavish or expensive to be fun. If you decide to avoid family get-togethers with the narcissist in your life all together, don’t let that decision end the holidays for you. Make your own. 

Happy Drama-Free Holidays!! 

(Originally published in the December 10, 2020, edition of The Mountain-Ear.)